Yesterday, I turned 50. For most of the morning, I sat on the tarmac waiting for our plane to get de-iced before take off. It gave me time to reflect.
This isn't the first time I am looking back on my life, though. For the past several weeks, I have been texting myself notes about what I have learned over the years and what I value. Yes, that's right. I text myself notes. While some people use the Notes app, I prefer text. Typing or writing your ideas is powerful. Seeing it come back to you is revolutionary.
It started with a short open-ended text to myself: "Advice I would give my younger self..." The ideas flowed effortlessly. It made me think about all the high school students who are looking for a path, looking for direction, or more simply, looking for answers. I don't know if I have the answers. But I know my life would have been a little smoother if I had just gotten some good advice along the way.
So here are my five favorite pieces of advice I would give my younger self and every young person on the brink of the rest of their lives:
1. Move out of the shadows.
Whether it's a parent with a big personality or a sibling who everyone admires or a classmate with the magic touch, you have to take a bold step away to see your own light and have others see it too. The sooner you do that, the more time you have to evolve into a person whose voice, ideas, and presence matter. As a young girl, I would often stand a few steps behind others—on the playground, entering a classroom, and in conversation. It took me years to realize being tall in someone else's shadow is not nearly as satisfying as embracing my shorter self in the light. I am 4'11" for what it is worth!
READ MORE: What I Learned From My First Semester of College
I didn't know it at the time that I texted myself these nuggets, but as I wrote this blog I realized that these five directives represent each decade of my life. Five things I wish I could have known as a young girl, college girl, working girl, creative woman, and now middle-aged woman. I have more to learn, more to give, and more to do. But I am finally at peace with my past. Who knew self-texting was so healing?
I challenge you to embrace this advice. Or, create your own. Don't just write it down, though. Text it to yourself. You will see your words—first in a shade of a gray. Subtle and faint. Then a second text of the same words will come back to you. This time your words appear in bright blue. Bold and colorful. A double-reminder to yourself to live your life in the light.
2. Follow your own dreams, not someone else's.
Many of us are people-pleasers. We want to make everyone around us happy, even if it means our own happiness gets pushed aside. I spent years playing a sport I no longer loved, years paying off debt from the year I spent in law school, and years trying to impress family members in doing something they didn't approve. What a waste of time. When you do things that truly make you happy without relying on approval or affirmation from others, you end up being far more successful and happier than you ever were before. The best thing I ever did was leave law school to take a job as an entry-level admissions officer 26 years ago.3. Don't just look for mentors, be a mentor.
When I became a dean of admissions, I felt like I was living on an island. I struggled with balancing work and motherhood. I felt alone. I could have used another female leader to tell me she felt the same struggles and that the balancing act (and guilt) ease a bit as our kids get older. I might have stayed longer in my "dream job" as a dean if I had some female mentors to lean on. Now, I jump at the chance to speak to young female students writing stories for their school newspaper about complex issues in college admissions. I never turn down a call from someone who wants to work in college admissions. And, I hire a lot of women to work alongside me.4. Be creative.
Write, speak, sculpt, paint, act, dance, or build something in whatever field you are passionate about. We no longer have to work a traditional job to make a living. In fact, those who take risks with their creativity are experiencing unprecedented financial security and financial success. The 9-5 job at an office can be so confining to creativity. Start with ideas. And, yes, text them to yourself. You get two reminders to yourself staring back at you to go after what you want. That's how my book idea started. That's how Application Nation began. That's how the seed was planted for my next big project.5. Embrace color.
I spent more than half of my life wearing black almost every day. It was a way to hide my imperfections (of all kinds). Something happened in the second half of my 40s. I started to love wearing every color of the rainbow. If you notice, I rarely wear black anymore in my Zoom calls, Facebook Lives, and weekly Reels. My colorful wardrobe changed the way I see myself. Wearing something colorful is one consistent thing I try to do almost every single day. I am wearing a bright yellow sweater with a fuchsia scarf around my neck as I type this. And while this piece of advice might appear surface-level, it has deeper meaning. Embracing the colors of our world in college admissions, politics, friendships, and conversations allows us all to see the light.READ MORE: What I Learned From My First Semester of College
I didn't know it at the time that I texted myself these nuggets, but as I wrote this blog I realized that these five directives represent each decade of my life. Five things I wish I could have known as a young girl, college girl, working girl, creative woman, and now middle-aged woman. I have more to learn, more to give, and more to do. But I am finally at peace with my past. Who knew self-texting was so healing?
I challenge you to embrace this advice. Or, create your own. Don't just write it down, though. Text it to yourself. You will see your words—first in a shade of a gray. Subtle and faint. Then a second text of the same words will come back to you. This time your words appear in bright blue. Bold and colorful. A double-reminder to yourself to live your life in the light.
