This week, my three kids sent me their wish list for the holidays. Unprompted, of course. Sophie, my oldest, sent me a text stream of all the things she wanted. Max, my middle guy, sent me a Google document with links. Dotsie Bea, my youngest, wrote out (in her best penmanship) a list on printer paper. No longer are the days when I could just buy the things I thought they would like.
It got me thinking about my own wish list. Not for myself. For students. No one asked me, per se. But my kids' unprompted lists gave me courage to ask for things even if they are a bit indulgent.
So here is what I wish for students in the month of December:
1. I hope you get into your Early Decision choice if you applied to one.
You should find out by mid-December.
2. If you don't get admitted, consider an Early Decision II program.
If you are objectively competitive for the ED II college, your chances of admission may be even better than your Early Decision I choice.
3. If you applied to some Early Action programs, I hope those colleges change their approach and notify you this month instead of next month.
It's absolutely unfair when colleges wait to notify Early Action results until after the Early Decision II and Regular Decision deadlines pass. It helps them, but not you. If you find out sooner that you were not admitted, you can adjust the remainder of your college list, if necessary. But because you often don't find out until mid to late January for many Early Action programs, it's too late to change anything. Admissions policies need to be student-friendly, not self-serving to colleges.
4. With winter break approaching, I hope that you don't get too many assignments, projects, and exams in the next few weeks.
Many of you are still writing college essays and applying to colleges. It's really challenging to do it all.
5. I hope that you get to rest and enjoy yourself over the holidays.
You need sleep, downtime, and friend-time to recharge after such a demanding fall of senior year.
6. I hope that you are starting to see how helpful your parents can be right now.
They are such a good sounding board when you need to talk things out. They are also the best shoulder to cry on when you need to let your emotions out.
RELATED READING: 10 Truths for Every Parent About the College Admissions Process
7. I want you to thank your teachers and school counselor who wrote letters of recommendation on your behalf.
Try to do this before winter break. You don't need to give them a gift. A handwritten note goes a long way.
8. Please try to keep all of your courses the same as you listed them on your applications for the remainder of the year.
Colleges do not like it when a student drops a class or replaces a challenging class with a less challenging one.
9. Keep your grades up.
Many colleges require at least first semester grades of senior year for admission. And, all colleges require a final transcript once you graduate from high school. You don't want your offer of admission to be in jeopardy if your grades decline after being admitted.
10. My biggest wish for you is to recognize that where you go to college does not define you or your future success.
You define it. Don't get caught up in rankings and prestige. Neither will fulfill you in the way that you can fulfill yourself if you end up at the right match—the right college—for you.
READ MORE: How to Handle a Medical Issue in Your College Application
I know that my wish list is lofty and that I am asking a lot. But if all of these wishes were a given, just imagine how much better this admissions process would be for you. The reality is that some of this is out of your control. Others need to grant you some wishes. For example, colleges need to be more understanding of students' needs. High schools need to be conscious of the pressure and demands you are facing. And, your family needs to be supportive of you, no matter where you end up.
My kids' wish lists are lofty too. I made some executive decisions already. Instead of the Lululemon sweatshirt Sophie asked for that doesn't move me, I bought her something she will have forever. (Sophie, I know you read my blogs so just trust me. You are going to love the surprise.) I didn't love the pink basketball sneakers Max asked for, so I ordered a pink sweatshirt instead. He's just like my dad; he wears pink proudly. (Since Max doesn't read my blogs, he'll be surprised when he gets it!). And, Dotsie Bea, who is not on social media yet (thank goodness), asked for way too many skincare products. I plan to pick a few and save the rest for her birthday in March.
Wish lists keep all of us aiming for something more in our lives. The best things in life are not objects, though. They are experiences that make us more self-aware. The college admissions process is meant to help students understand themselves better. It doesn't need to be punitive, though. That is a wish worth listing.
